Hello. Today was really bad. I had never experienced a day which was so boring and so controlled by other people like today in my whole life. I was very tired, and my head kept on ponding. Like somebody squeezed my entire head from both sides. No, four sides would be a better illustration.

E Geog test on Monday... Shit. Shit. Shit. But I still had to go through it anyway. Auuggghhh.

Anyway, I'll post some pictures too. No worries, they're all featuring me.




My house. The corridor near the lift. 6th floor. No, I'm not going to tell you what I was doing then. I think it can be quite clearly seen. Oh, and thanks to Felicia for taking the photos.

Can you see Richard and Adelle pushing me?

There will be no updates from Richard today. He's been asleep on his white bed since approximately 2 hours ago.

Well, hello. I'm here to share some unique facts about my life which actually may tickle your brain and make you laugh out loud aka LOL.

Let's start digging in into my memory, shall we?

First. Claire is a BEARFISH.
Second. I told Preeya that I was a tree, but in fact, I am still an alien now who is currently pretending to be a tree because I want to.

Third. I treasure the time I spent discussing with Amanda about the facts behind the truth, and cherish the moment Rachel said "You broke my heart!!" with additions whatsoever (as well as calling her " a person who is always confused on spending money on snacks but will end up buying them anyway". The most.

Fourth. Bear, Fel and I went for our tuition at a friend's house which was 31 feet above the ground on Thursday, yesterday. When we were finished with it, Felicia entered the lift innocently and peacefully, thinking that the lift would not move if she didn't press any buttons. She was happily waving to Bear and Bear was laughing, not knowing that something rare which was most unlikely to happen to a 13 to 16 year old girls, actually happened. You see, the lift went up. Because Fel didn't press any button and a person who was located higher above the ground was calling for the lift. AND SHE WAS IN THE LIFT. WHEN WE WANTED TO GO DOWN.

Guess what happened then. Bear and I laughed our way through, and by "our way through" I meant I wouldn't forget that. Priceless.

By the way, Richard wants to type and update too. But it'll be too troublesome for me to create another blog, so I'll let him type here.

Greetings, puny short humans. I'm Richard and is currently training my leg muscles so that I can catch and kidnap Ignatius when he's off- guard in the near future. Regardless of him being quite a lousy sportsman or anything, I still couldn't catch up to him the other day.

Shit, this is like, I admit that I'm not good in running too. Janice advised me to stop smoking, but it's just so fun experimenting with cigarettes of different brands. Heh. Even though Adelle is unhappy about the fact that the smell is getting stronger and keep hitting my head with that strange- looking stick. AND NO. She is not my girlfriend. Who wants to even be acquainted to a bone- eating beast? But, I've gotta admit that she is basically a kind individual. Well. Actually... She keeps quiet most of the time. So I can't judge her personality yet. ... I NEED ANOTHER PERSON TO TALK TO AT HOME!!!!!

Today, I carried around a teddy bear at Janice's school. And Ignatius was avoiding me for no apparent reason. Really, I did nothing wrong. All I did was trying to start a conversation with the teddy bear like a 3 year old irritating girl would. As usual, Adelle chewed on bones and rarely talked to me. The only thing she told me was "toilet" and she went away before recess. I was bored, so I played Monkey Bar at that corridor near the greeeen lodge or something. Oh, the corridor had this board thingy and "Ignatius Link", all in capitals, was written on it. It was so fun, I think I would try doing this again near the bookshop's corridor while swearing at the bookshop lady.

Then, us three, with Janice's cousin went home together. Routines. Oh, Janice's friend Bear wasn't with us. She was off doing her History project over at the library. I missed playing with her hair today.

Signed,
Richard "Uncle Retard" Schwertz

I felt much better after going to church. Many things happened and I basically cried all along. Hahaha. Yes. I kept crying for almost the whole sermon. About one and a half hour.

I'll walk my path religiously from now on... I guess. Heh. That may not be true, but oh well, blogs are supposed to be used to express your feelings when you type.

Anyway, after I finished church I went to Marina Mandarin. It's the marina at the mandarin hotel. Before taking my lunch, I lingered around the stalls. I found some interesting things but, I didn't have the budget. So I didn't pay taxes for the day in the shopping category.
I ate popiah for lunch. It was delish...!!!!! And as for desert, I ate the red ruby and jackfruit ice. I got bored of ice kachang, you see.

Then I went home. Did some homework but got tired and sleepy. Onned the computer, and helped ST with her blog. Then I'd be doing the rest of the homework after this update. End of story.

OKAY!!!! Now for real.

Hello... Today I did nothing much. My parents left in the morning. But, before that event, I woke up before them and stole some chocolate cake from the fridge. Then I sat on the sofa quietly. My father came out of the room and saw me sitting there. He said he was surprised, he thought he was seeing things like, you know, ghosts. I evil- laughed.

Afterwards I went back to sleep because.. IT WAS 6.45 am. Meaning I woke up even earlier. Who in the world would wake up that early on a holiday? And so I did.

I woke up again at 10 am. Played played played and did some of my homework. Shit I haven't done heymath. I remembered asking Claire to watch Hellboy II, but she couldn't because she had 2 birthday parties to attend to. And so I watched the movie together with Felicia, Cindy and Michelle, the cutest and kindest cousin/ little sisters anyone would ever have. Richard and Adelle followed, too.


We bought FOOD, let the tickets be torn and went up to enter the cinema only to be stopped by the guard. He said the tickets were WRONG. They were supposed to be for the 7.15 pm slot, but instead 3.55 pm were written on them. OH SHIT THAT CASHIER BASTARD and then I exchanged them. Lucky us, we've got the reserved seats for online transaction. Those seats required an extra dollar each, but we didn't need to pay for them. Because of this, I thanked the cashier. Or else I would be swearing.

Richard made his way through 5 sausages and a set of nachos and a drink. Adelle just watched the movie and took glances of the greedy individual sitting next to her.

All in all, today was okay. Even though I still have homeworks to be done.

This part of the blog is for the sole purpose of annoying Claire (copied and pasted from Sunthari's blog)

OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG!

BEAR BEAR BEAR BEAR BEAR BEAR BEAR BEAR BEAR BEAR BEAR BEAR BEAR BEAR BEAR BEAR BEAR BEAR BEAR BEAR BEAR BEAR BEAR BEAR BEAR BEAR BEAR BEAR BEAR BEAR BEAR BEAR BEAR BEAR BEAR BEAR BEAR BEAR BEAR BEAR BEAR BEAR BEAR BEAR BEAR BEAR BEAR BEAR BEAR BEAR BEAR BEAR BEAR BEAR BEAR BEAR BEAR BEAR BEAR BEAR BEAR BEAR BEAR BEAR BEAR BEAR BEAR BEAR BEAR BEAR BEAR BEAR BEAR BEAR BEAR BEAR BEAR BEAR BEAR BEAR BEAR BEAR BEAR BEAR

PREPARE FOR THE WORST

NARAKU NARAKU NARAKU NARAKU NARAKU NARAKU NARAKU NARAKU NARAKU NARAKU NARAKU NARAKU NARAKU NARAKU NARAKU NARAKU NARAKU NARAKU NARAKU NARAKU NARAKU NARAKU NARAKU NARAKU NARAKU NARAKU NARAKU NARAKU NARAKU NARAKU NARAKU NARAKU NARAKU NARAKU NARAKU NARAKU NARAKU NARAKU NARAKU NARAKU NARAKU NARAKU NARAKU NARAKU NARAKU NARAKU NARAKU NARAKU NARAKU NARAKU NARAKU NARAKU NARAKU NARAKU NARAKU NARAKU NARAKU NARAKU NARAKU NARAKU NARAKU NARAKU NARAKU

HA! I'm not gonna delete them. Thanks to Sunthari for granting me the permission.

Okay. You see, my guardian noticed my strange pattern of behaviour and told my parents about it. Yes, I don't live with my parents. So they came yesterday, for me, and brought a so-called-counselor. Psychiatrist. They thought I was going crazy. Heck. I was just.. unwell. Sick in the heart and brain, but nothing so big that they actually needed to worry.

I was being interrogated like those evil- doers in the police stations. Except this whole thing was about Math.

The counselor told me that she had called the school because she wanted to know how I was doing there. She spoke to my form teacher and it seemed like I wasn't having any problems whatsoever. And that I was just like any ordinary stereotypical good school girl. We came to a conclusion that the roots of these problems was none other than Math. I was telling her all of my problems with Math, like how I felt there was always unfairness being done on those who tried but couldn't with those who didn't even try. We got the same discouraging results, but some of us really did try. That was what making me hate Math.

Another point was, if others could, why couldn't I? I should have been able to do okay like other students who could. I wanted to be good in everything, even if it WAS impossible for me to begin with. I just wanted to climb higher than I actually could. I wanted to be above there, where nobody else could stand on. I didn't allow a mistakes to be made. Therefore I couldn't allow myself failing. Guess what the counselor told me? I was a perfectionist. It's a double- sided blade, it could be good and it could be bad. I felt more of the bad side. Putting pressures on myself. Heh.
So in the end, I would have to learn to spare myself a little mercy. To face the reality that I couldn't be better than anyone at everything. That's shit for me, but it's the real world. If I were to compare, I was way behind those who did well in their lives. They made me jealous because I didn't see me in them. I was unable to stand there, when I wanted to stand way above. I was really left out. I was of no use to the world.

But, who cares about my thoughts? For now, I have to keep the door to my future opened. Everyone is giving their very best for me. My parents, my grandmother, my aunt, my guardian, my cousins and my little sisters. And it isn't just them. There may be somebody else out there who is caring for me. Imagine, all those people are trying their hardest for someone like me, someone who is left behind with no talent. Someone who doesn't even regard her life as worthy. But they are there, smiling for me, laughing for me, crying for me and caring about me. How can I refuse their helping hands?

This must be God's way to show that He loves even a nobody like me. He wants me to endure and always put my faith in Him. I have to apologise to Him.

P.S. If you are one of those who knows me, really cares about me and has helped me before, thank you very much for your effort. Thank you for keeping me alive. Thank you for everything. If you aren't, thank you for not making my life more misurable and for letting me know you.

Hello. I just feel like updating since I'm on the computer.

I'm proud to announce that I have done most of my homework for the day.
1) English speech (even though it was a compilation of crap)
2) Typing out MT composition
3) SS political cartoons
4) Biology (virtual) practicals (nonsensical explanations and definitions)

Wheee!! NO MATH!!!!!

Wait. I think I missed out a thing. *checks the homework list*

I FORGOT TO DO MY MT COMPOSITION CORRECTION!!!!!!!

IT IS A LOT!!!

AAHHHH!

I guess everything's cooled down (for now). Bible makes my life easier.

But I can't guarantee that I won't be all down again. I'm not someone special, so I bet I will make mistakes every now and then. But! I'll try to move on.

All's well that ends well, I'm okay now. I guess.

I. Am. Still. Not. Needed. And. I. Do. Not. Care.

I don't know... I just keep thinking that the world stays the same even if it has no me.

I guess these are the things that contribute to my current thoughts and feelings.

1) MATH. The horror.
2) MATHEMATICS
3) MATH MATH
4) ADD MATH ADD MATH ADDMATHADDMAT HADD MATH
5) AM AM AM AM AM AM
6) MATH!!!
7) Just me. I can only spend my parents' money. I make no profit. No one needs me. I have no special traits, no extraordinary presence, no talent, no intelligence. Anyone can replace me just fine. It's always alright even if I am not here. Some may even think that I'm a nuisance. That I steal their happiness, fortune or blessings away. I am just another parasite. Please ignore this unbearable creature. If you are unable to do so... Kick it, spit on it, hit it, burn it, bleed it, scratch it, stab it, do hurtful things to it. Doing those things will make some of you feel better, doesn't it?

I wish I could be somebody else. One individual who has talents. Not a pain in the ass creature like me.

Yes. You read it. Let us start anew. Welcome the new me, one who sees life as a journey full of thorns. Hurt. Horror. Sadness. Sufferings.

Since the second semester started, I had been feeling down. I tried to appear as normal as possible so that I could live my usual life without anyone questioning me why. I ran out of ways to lighten up my mood and the loads of my heart, so I thought "My blog's deserted, no one's been coming there often. Maybe I could express bits of my little thoughts on there and not being discovered by public" since I was too lazy to make a new one. Or to write it out on a diary. So here I am.

(Funny, I couldn't even tell my parents/cousins/basically family about how I was feeling. When they ask, I would just say I was fine.)

I'm tired of everything. Of living, of thinking, of talking, of smiling, etc. As in, really, everything. I wish I could just stay in my bedroom, fantasizing about anything that could happen to me IF I was not the current me. I wish I was a plant. I wish I was someone else. I wish I was living someone else's life. Because it WAS/IS/WILL BE misurable living a life like mine. It WAS/IS/WILL BE uncomfortable being pushed to do something which is not a subject of your interest. It wasn't like I wanted to *ahem* die or end my life or something... I just wanted to live a different life.

I had nothing to begin with. I had been a failure at everything since I was born. I couldn't excel in studies or sports or any medium. It wasn't like I was good at anything. I was just being a retarded little being who messes with people's lives. I wasn't needed anyway. So why was I living? Why was I created? I had no idea. If I just disappeared, nothing would change. I was just ONE of millions of people on Earth. In fact, people's lives might turn out to be better. They could all save the resources. The world would go on without me. No big deal.

That way, both parties would be happier. End of story.

However, I wasn't intending on turning bad. I would continue living a hellish life and wear my mask until I become someone who could truly smile and be genuinely happy. Then, I would be able to trash the mask.

La, la, la, la, la, la.

Weird, now I'm worried about my grammar and tenses. Never mind, I don't really care. In fact I could just be another Jackal right now.